Trinity of Heroes returns!

[TyrasEngineer]

I think we should do "That Old Chestnut"

[haxxorzd00d]

"And there we have it, folks! Team SHAFT will be dealing with Mrs. Shovit's rat problem, Triforce will investigate the case of the missing housewife, Stinvbotics will get the drop on some smugglers, and the villainous Team S&V... will go flower-picking. Joy!

The fun starts this evening, when you'll receive your starting gear and the standard-issue Questing 101 manual."

[Sti_Jo_Lew]

I have a feeling the classes weren't really randomly selected... they're all far too perfect/ hilarious.

[haxxorzd00d]

I have a feeling the classes weren't really randomly selected... they're all far too perfect/ hilarious.

They were all randomly selected except yours, Sti. Your little quip about the trusty electric triangle sealed your fate, I'm afraid.

[Sti_Jo_Lew]

Perfect.

[andy25100]

Kate is a monk, a follower of the powerful god of science and lightning. Tesla. Wearing the traditional coat of science!!! (lab coat) and armed with their powerful fists of fury and their staff of lightning (walking stick with some metal attached), along with this they are trained in the art of pigeon husbandry where they are able to tame the animals with nothing but some milk, bread and honey after the almighty Tesla's love of these animals.

That's about it for characterization, make it so Haxx.

[Spyboticsguy]

Kate is a monk, a follower of the powerful god of science and lightning. Tesla. Wearing the traditional coat of science!!! (lab coat) and armed with their powerful fists of fury and their staff of lightning (walking stick with some metal attached), along with this they are trained in the art of pigeon husbandry where they are able to tame the animals with nothing but some milk, bread and honey after the almighty Tesla's love of these animals.

That's about it for characterization, make it so Haxx.

UPDATE! We've recruited enough willing victims- uh, volunteers - for the time being. Keep your eyes peeled for new vacancies though; I'm sure these folks won't last long...

[haxxorzd00d]

Kate is a monk, a follower of the powerful god of science and lightning. Tesla. Wearing the traditional coat of science!!! (lab coat) and armed with their powerful fists of fury and their staff of lightning (walking stick with some metal attached), along with this they are trained in the art of pigeon husbandry where they are able to tame the animals with nothing but some milk, bread and honey after the almighty Tesla's love of these animals.

That's about it for characterization, make it so Haxx.

UPDATE! We've recruited enough willing victims- uh, volunteers - for the time being. Keep your eyes peeled for new vacancies though; I'm sure these folks won't last long...

Silly Spah, Andy already signed up. He was just giving his character a little backstory.

[random980]

Obscuro wonders why you think he thinks he need puny stabby thing. Have you not heard tales of how obscuro decapitates his foe with only brute force of swung shield? Or how he flattens them like bloody pancake with shield-body-slam? OR how he severs them in half with throw of shield like frisbee!? Obscuro need one weapon only, and that is his mighty whacking board!
(2-handed great swords are overrated, he chooses the 2-handed great shield.)

Also regarding the quest, our teams manly laughter is so manly it can even cure cancer, if that dont make the guys grandma better i say we just rob them.

[haxxorzd00d]

(2-handed great swords are overrated, he chooses the 2-handed great shield.)

"Ah, you're in luck! We've got a certain something you might enjoy... a mighty two-handed shield, carved from solid gnarlwood by the deranged dryads of the labyrinthine forest of Neveroot. The only man to meet the dryads and survive escaped their nefarious clutches by riding this shield down a river of hellsharks and tentacrabs. He hauled it across the land to the hallowed forges of Mount Grimyre, where it was reinforced with blacksteel banding and magmethyst rivets.

The shield was granted to the great warlord Kroggodin Meadswigger, who led the mountain-folk to victory in the Battle of Ashwind Fields, a great clash that bards like Sti will recount for generations. Kroggodin retired to his mountain retreat with a busty wench for every day of the week, and eventually sold the shield on the mBay magical auction market to pay his crippling gambling debts. Somehow we've ended up with it, so hey, you can have it."


"Oh, and about the quests? The Guildmaster's been up to his eyes in red tape and lawsuits from unsatisfied customers (ungrateful, more like) so he's not put your paperwork through yet. I'll have a word with him."

[minnerthecat]

Ollrik is a stout, hearty dwarf who loves to fight and drink. Despite his firey temper, Olrik has a soft spot for many creatures, especially his pet rabbit, Phil. Olrik also has a weakness for shiny gemstones (or even sometimes rocks that look like gemstones). As a barbarian, Olrik's weapon of choice is a large, heavily weathered two-handed axe (which he affectionately named Olga).

[Spyboticsguy]

Spyboticsguy is a mysterious man (we think) who hails from... somewhere. Uh. He may or may not be human, but he appears to be an introvert. Nobody has ever seen him take off his cloak and lived. It is assumed he learned how to hone his particular gifts while in the service of a master blacksmith.

He carries not much more than his cloak, a stave, and a set of tools. His tools and staff allow him to focus his magicks into his creations.

[random980]

(2-handed great swords are overrated, he chooses the 2-handed great shield.)

"Ah, you're in luck! We've got a certain something you might enjoy... a mighty two-handed shield, carved from solid gnarlwood by the deranged dryads of the labyrinthine forest of Neveroot. The only man to meet the dryads and survive escaped their nefarious clutches by riding this shield down a river of hellsharks and tentacrabs. He hauled it across the land to the hallowed forges of Mount Grimyre, where it was reinforced with blacksteel banding and magmethyst rivets.

The shield was granted to the great warlord Kroggodin Meadswigger, who led the mountain-folk to victory in the Battle of Ashwind Fields, a great clash that bards like Sti will recount for generations. Kroggodin retired to his mountain retreat with a busty wench for every day of the week, and eventually sold the shield on the mBay magical auction market to pay his crippling gambling debts. Somehow we've ended up with it, so hey, you can have it."

Hmm, Obscuro has heard of such legendary whacking board but not sure if he belies this is the true Board of Meadswigger's Whacks. Does it come with free dental? If so Obscuro will take it! Repay you in the teeth knocked out of the enemies he and shield clobbers!

[Invunarble]

Louis Bountmatten, of all things, is known by his peers for absolutely despising self-descriptions of himself. He finds them dull, boring, and something that only the lower class rabble of his country deserve to do. Fortunately, his butler Veejes is quite excellent at describing Louis (and probably the only thing he's excellent at doing), and tells Louis as:

"A rich, selfless, and saint-like man who always puts the needs of others above his own. Louis is notorious for donating billions and billions and billions of dollars (don't ask how he has so much money) to various struggling causes, such as starving children in Africa, victims of drought in Africa, the removal of sweatshops in Africa, the removal of Ugandan warlords in Africa, the removal of Cinston Whurchill's cemetery named just after him because he died there, better housing for Africans, money with much more value in Africa, the 'Make all butlers serve Louis Bountmatten' notion, and just about every Quebecois in Canada for living in such a horrible province."

Upon reading this description of himself, Louis fell asleep by the third word in the paragraph above from the incredible wave of boredom that hit him. He didn't wake up for another 12 hours, to which he blamed Veejes for this inconvenience.

"WHY DID YOU NOT WAKE ME UP, YOU FAT FUCK?!" Louis bellowed as he slammed himself against some nearby objects.
"I am sorry, Your Liege, but you told me to clean all of the windows in the mansion." Veejes responded.
"Fine. Prepare me a cup of tea, and my best walking stick - we are going to go on a quest." said Louis.

[haxxorzd00d]

Prepare me a cup of tea, and my best walking stick - we are going to go on a quest." said Louis.

"You may wish to be a Spellcane rather than a Spellsword. The classiest of gentlemen, of course."

[Invunarble]

Prepare me a cup of tea, and my best walking stick - we are going to go on a quest." said Louis.

"You may wish to be a Spellcane rather than a Spellsword. The classiest of gentlemen, of course."

"Hmmm, why yes, I suppose it would be more civilized to make a weapon of such high class that I possess. My fellow gentlemen could not possibly compete with the vituperative demeanour I would possess if I obtained a walking stick of such a high magnitude of power." Louis responded as he turned around to look for Veejes.

"Veejes, the excitement of this theory is overwhelming! Bring me a serviette!" He called, as Veejes trotted towards him, serviette on his arm.

[RobipodSupreme]

Squarkwad sidles up, all sneaky like, behind Guy of Pinedell and Olrick, hiding his intricate backstory behind the simple phrase: "ain't yer bizniss."

He drifts back into the shadows, tripping over a cat as he does so.



With lightning reflexes, he has shot 18 arrows through one of its feet before it can make a noise.

[haxxorzd00d]

"Good news everyone! Thanks to some subtle backhanders from the High Council and a rewarding lawsuit involving an orphanage and a barrel of hungry scythe-worms from Dismemberment Canyon, the Heroes' Guild is back from the brink of bankruptcy! Let's get questin'!"

Team SHAFT in "That Old Chestnut"
Starring:
RobipodSupreme as the Level 1 Ranger Sqarkwad, Lord of Panthorn
Minnerthecat as the Level 1 Barbarian Olrik Stonesplitter of the Dwarven Highlands
TyreseEngineer as the Level 1 Cleric Guy of Pinedell

Bang in the centre of Blatherswell High Street, amidst the crowing market vendors and open sewers, sits the rather understated Shovit Inn. It's here that the ever-shady ranger Squarkwad sidles up to find stout Olrik and unassuming Guy waiting for him.
"Oi, you're late," Olrik grumbles.
"So?" Squark replies offhandedly. "Business to attend to."
"There's no room for lolly-gaggers in team SHAFT," Olrik replies.
"Whatever. Like I want to be teamed up with a ginger midget and a poofter."
"Hey, whoa, hey!" Guy exclaims. "There's no need for that. Can we just go inside?"

"Welcome, gentlemen!"
The booming voice belongs to the inn's proprietor, Ivana Shovit - a busty wench with cascading locks that are almost too golden.
"I'd recognise that golden hue anywhere! You dye your hair with pixie dust, don't you?" Guy remarks.
"Why yes, yes I do! I love what you've done with yours..."
"Excuse me," Olrik mutters in his deep, gravelly tone. "You ladies can compare vaginas later. Ma'am, we're here about the rat problem."
Guy retrieves the quest posting from his pack and presents it to Ms. Shovit.
"Ah, yes!" she cries. "Nasty buggers, they are - they're playing havoc with the food stores down there. I've been charging the customers extra for the flavour, but they're not exactly taking to it."

The trio approach the cellar door and Ivana throws it open, revealing a pitch-black shaft of darkness.
"It's, uh, it's pretty dark down there." Guy says.
"Of course it is, it's a cellar," Ivana replies.
"We'll be fine! Let's get down there and squish some vermin!" Olrik exclaims.
"Squish 'em? You're not going to use poison? Well, it's your funeral. Just hurry up, dinner service is on soon!"
As Ivana leaves the trio to their own devices, they face a choice.

Decision time! Minner, Rob and Tyrese, you're up!

1) Send Guy out to find an illumination spell.
2) Send Squark out to find some rat poison.
3) Send Guy and Squark out, leave Olrik alone.
4) Who cares, get down there and kill them rats!

Submit your choice and the majority wins. Each post takes place in either a "field" scenario such as the above, or a "combat" scenario where you'll choose how to fight your foes. Other teams, your quests will begin shortly...

[TyrasEngineer]

I think we should get an illumination spell.

[RobipodSupreme]

I think we should get an illumination spell.

[minnerthecat]

Definitely get the illumination spell.

[haxxorzd00d]

>Get the illumination spell!

"Guy, me laddie, you should go learn yerself a spell of illoominatin'!" Olrik remarks.
"You mean he doesn't know one already?" Squark replies. "What kind of cleric are you, exactly?"
"It's on my to-do list, guys!" Guy retorts. "Come on, cut me some slack!"
Guy sighs and heads out to the Blatherswell market in search of a scroll of illumination or some such magical Macguffin, leaving Olrik and Squark standing in awkward silence.
"So..." Olrik starts. "What's your opinion on traditional mountain folk songs?"
"I swear on the gods, I'll cut you in your pudgy midget neck."
The duo stand in silence after that.
Suddenly there is a disturbance in the busy cobbled street outside the inn. Craning their necks through the grubby windows (well, Olrik cranes his neck at least, Squark just stands comfortably and looks), the pair spot a horse and cart, on which is emblazoned the words "Pest-O Presto Magical Exterminators".
"What!?" Olrik exclaims. "But we took the quest posting down, didn' we?"
"Good day, innkeep!" calls a cheerfully stereotypical wizard in blue robe and hat, stepping through the door to the inn. "I'm here to solve your verminulous dilemma!"
"Bollocks!" Olrik mutters. "Whadda we do now!?"
"Quick, into the cellar," Squark replies, shoving Olrik through the looming cellar door.

Meanwhile in the hustle and bustle of Blatherswell High Street market, Guy wanders through the throng, his taller-than-average physique giving him a distinct line of sight over the heads of passing townsfolk. He spots a scroll merchant and wades through the crowd toward him.
"How much for a scroll of illumination?" he shouts over the rabble.
"10 GP!" the merchant responds.
"Ah, I'm glad you accept my homemade currency, Guy of Pinedells!"
Guy reaches for his coin purse (heh heh), only to discover the drawstrings have been cut!

He spies a scrappy-looking figure amongst the shoppers and gives chase! The chase sequence is full of exciting action and expert choreography. Words simply can't do it justice, so I shan't bother. Suffice to say, Guy tails the thief into an alleyway. He's cornered! Suddenly the man becomes aggressive. He turns to Guy and draws a well-worn but nonetheless threatening Rusty Shiv of Shanking... +1!

<<< BATTLE START! >>> *insert swooshy fade transition and dramatic theme here*
Guy, Level 1 Cleric (Spirit Staff) -vs.- Level 1 Scruffy Cutpurse (+1 Rusty Shiv of Shanking)

The Guildmaster's words echoed... "There's a time and place for everything, and this is the perfect time to learn about COMBAT! You have a bunch of skills at your disposal - well, actually you only have 3, since you're a level 1 nublet. Too bad. Oh, there might be other things you can do, depending on the context. But remember! You can't use something twice in a row. There's, like, cooldowns and stuff. Okay, go fight before he shivs ya!"

Choose an action, Guy!
Blinding Bash - A sharp whack with a staff and a point-blank burst of light. Hurts a bit, and can blind.
Shimmer - Throw up a wall of holy light to protect yourself or an ally.
Sanctify - Attempt to purge evil from the target for possible damage or debuffing.
or...
Call for Help - See if anyone nearby can help you out.
Run Like a Goddamn Sissy Girl - Better do this before you pee yourself from abject terror.

-
Olrik and Squark's story continues shortly...

[TyrasEngineer]

Call for help! He's got a nasty, disgusting, tetanus-y shiv!

[haxxorzd00d]

Meanwhile, in the cellar...

"Gods, it's dark as sodding pitch down here," Olrik exclaims.
"Maybe to your puny dwarven eyes - I can see just fine," Squark replies, squinting vainly into the inky gloom.
The cellar is just barely lit by the light from upstairs. The duo can make out kegs of beer and wheels of cheese arranged in racks, leading off into swift and total darkness.
"Should we... should we move forward?" Olrik asks.
"Uh... let's just wait for the rats to come to us."
Suddenly, two rats the size of terriers burst out of the darkness!
"Well that didn't take long!"

<<< BATTLE START! IT'S A TRAP! >>>
Olrik, Level 1 Barbarian (Olga) / Squarkwad, Level 1 Ranger (Hunting Bow) -vs.- 2x Level 1 Dire Rats

Rat A ambushes Olrik with a nasty bite for 3 damage! (21/24 HP)
"Ow! Little snot-nosed bastard!" Olrik cries.

Rat B watches and waits.

Choose an action, Olrik!
Strike: Swing at the little buggers with Olga for standard damage.
Crushing Blow: Attempt to land a mighty blow! Will deal higher damage, but more likely to miss.
Aggro: Get the rats' attention and put up your guard while Squark does his thing.
or
Fleeeeeee: Get the hell outta there and suffer the consequences.


Choose an action, Squarkwad!
Shot: Put an arrow through one of the sneaky l'il rats.
Focus Shot: Take steady aim to ensure 100% accuracy. You won't hit so hard though.
Recon: Have a quick scout around for weaknesses or secrets.
or
Fleeeeeee: You may also get your fine ass outta there if you so wish.

[Invunarble]

2x Level 1 Dire Rats

Oh no, you were ambushed by a wild pack of [adjective] [animal]s! You certainly wouldn't want those [adjective] [animal]s to call for more [worse adjective] [animal]s!

[haxxorzd00d]

2x Level 1 Dire Rats

Oh no, you were ambushed by a wild pack of [adjective] [animal]s! You certainly wouldn't want those [adjective] [animal]s to call for more [worse adjective] [animal]s!

[minnerthecat]

I'll get those crafty rodents with my standard strike, Olga likes to start things off slow.

[Invunarble]

Dire Rats

crafty rodents

THESE ADJECTIVES, OH BOY TOO DESCRIPTIVE FOR ME I'M OUTTA HERE

[Iron_Fang]

Can I get back in?

[random980]

oooh this thing is back
*checks date of last post, been a week*
aww nuts...